A curious condition has swept through the United States of America. Symptoms include high-gloss cheeks, frozen foreheads, filler mustaches and a sudden urge to call someone “triggered.” Experts warn: white Americans may be most at risk. Unofficially dubbed “Mar-a-Lago” face, a Palm Beach plastic surgeon reported a number of his female clients asking him to make them resemble the president’s daughter, Ivanka Trump.

While it’s certainly not the first time a thin, white blonde landed at the center of the beauty standard, it’s the first time the President’s entire family has — even for those in office.

In 2023, Sheynnis Palacios, representing Nicaragua, won the Miss Universe title. Latinas have long been stereotyped as beautiful — sexy even. But when the beautiful Danish Victoria Kjær Theilvig, took the crown a year later, Trump’s camp celebrated, suggesting that the Nicaraguan Miss Universe was a symptom of the “woke mind virus,” but a white Miss Universe was a win for MAGA.

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This effect trickles down from one man. Donald Trump is arguably the most aesthetically controversial presidents in American history, maintaining a theatrically artificial power cosplay. His hair looks like it came out of a cotton candy machine. His skin — a distinct tangelo-meets-spray-tan hue, and his build — despite his 2025 Memorandum from the White House Physician asserting he’s the same height and weight as former NFL star linebacker, Luke Kuechly — is what you’d anticipate from a 79-year-old.

But somehow, his aesthetic preferences have rubbed off on his entire cabinet, becoming a fascinating case study in group think and uniformity.

For instance, Homeland Security Secretary, Kristi Noem, and South Dakota’s 33rd Governor, Kristi Noem appear to be two completely different people. But it’s not just the women. Trump’s men are bronzing and buffing too — Vice President JD Vance included.

When Vance was getting his foot in the door at Yale, he was bright eyed, bushy-tailed and ditched a tie in his university headshot. But Vice President Vance? He was personally asked to join the president in The White House, even after he’d compared him to Hitler on national television. Naturally, he got a spray tan, eyeliner and confidence to wear ties — even if they’re the wrong length.

Notably, MAGA republicans have long mocked the aesthetics of what Vance recently called “pink-haired people,” but such comments impact the two camps differently.

Ad hominem jabs like these usually fall flat. But when the tables are turned? Things get awkward.

While MAGA rails against gender expression and medical transition, its leaders are undergoing their own facial transformations — not for identity, but for loyalty. This group generally values aesthetically conforming more than their democratic counterpart. Its women place much of their value in marriage and family. In fact, it might be that MAGA and the modern democratic party have this interest in common: fostering successful, safe and happy children and families. But their POAs couldn’t be more different. Take the birth rate, for instance. It’s been declining for decades and has reached historic low after historic low. MAGA blames it on — as Candace Owens recently put it — women trying to be both men and women by choosing careers, and men being victims of — what Tomi Lahren calls — pussification, not… say, climate collapse, unaffordable healthcare or $2,000/month daycare.

During the weekend of June 13, conservative commentator Charlie Kirk was giving life advice to high school girls when a 14-year-old took the mic.

“Hi, I’m a freshman in high school,” she started. “As someone who has, like, a different opinion on college, what would you say the pros and cons are? Because I’m interested in political journalism.”

Kirk’s response? “I think there’s an argument to bring back the MRS degree.” He dismissed her interest in pursuing a career like his, asserting that going to college to find a husband is a perfectly good enough reason for a girl. The message here is clear.

TikToker Suzanne Lambert summed it up well when analyzing the effectiveness of her viral videos mocking republican women’s makeup. She theorized that all the years of her targets taking shots at the appearance of liberals was a projection of their own self-importance. For example, Trump gets spray tans at 79 years old, Nancy Mace controversially sculpts her nose, Karoline Leavitt gets lip filler, and the male vice president seemingly wears makeup while complaining that “American culture is trying to turn everybody into androgynous idiots.”

And just like that, a new beauty standard was born — inspired not by Miss Universe, Paris, New York, Italy or another fashion/beauty capital of the world. Instead, it’s completely modeled after the Trump family.

And while there’s nothing inherently reprehensible about plastic surgery and spray tans, when appearance becomes allegiance, and every face on the Hill starts looking like the president’s daughter, it’s worth asking: Were the red hats not enough?